question.
“I realized recently that I am completely unprepared when girls I know cry. I stand there awkwardly not having the slightest clue what to say or do. Please help!”

answer.
“This is an awesome question because I know that most guys have been here before (my boyfriend definitely has haha). Women are emotional. Something (aka anything) can set them off (especially if it’s that time of the month) and then they get all teary eyed and the water works start. It definitely isn’t the most comfortable situation for the guy. Usually there’s some awkward hugging, or a tentative pat on the back, as though the guy thinks that they have a bomb in front of them waiting to go off. Or they simply sit there, not really sure why their girl is crying, making them even more unsure of what to say to make her stop.” –Lauren

This article is all about exploring the reasons why girls cry and a guide to helping you, the man, navigate and show you what to do in these often stormy waters.

reasons why girls cry.

{ It’s that time of the month }
Yes. It IS a reason because hormones make women more emotional the closer they get to their periods. So something that usually doesn’t set her off, could be made into a big deal.
Usually, if you have a smart woman, she’ll admit that she overreacted and apologize later. But when the tears start she’s not thinking she’s overreacting.

What NOT to do:

• Tell her she’s overreacting
• “Are you crying because it’s that time of the month again?” *in exasperated tone*
• Brush the situation off as unimportant because of hormones
• Ignore her

{ Frustration }
Women are emotional. They express their frustrations and even anger often times by crying. This can be a totally alien concept for men to try to grasp since usually when men get angry they hit something or you know, act manly. But women will sometimes cry if they are frustrated by a situation such as their job, lack of being able to find a job, a fight with a friend (or even you), family situations, money problems…all of these things could be factors.

What NOT to do:

• Try to offer a solution or a quick fix (that’s not what the girl is looking for right now.)
• “You’ll get over it.”
• “It’s not that big of a deal.”
• Ignore her

{ Happy Tears }
Again, women are emotional creatures. Tears can also be a sign of some sort of moving experience that is taking place in her life. The experience can be something as simple as viewing a touching commercial on TV, or it can be a huge emotional event. The point is that the expression “crying tears of joy” is a very real phenomenon, which is likely to occur now and then. Knowing how to handle tears of joy is also helpful in deepening your relationships.

What NOT to do:

• Do NOT, under any circumstance, LAUGH.
• OR tell her she is weak or overly emotional

{ Loss }
Pretty self explanatory as everyone goes through loss. This definitely applies to both men and women. Don’t abandon each other. Support is the most important thing in a situation like loss.

Now that we’ve covered the reasons why girls cry and what NOT to do. Here are some tips to help get you through your girl’s tears.

tips for handling tears.

Guys tend to think that since they don’t really understand the reason for tears, they aren’t the best person to be handling this situation. This causes many guys to feel the flight response of “I need to get out of here, I’ll only make it worse.” However, you are probably the best person to handle the situation because you are someone that this girl cares about. As long as you follow these simple tips, you should be able to navigate the flood of tears successfully and not drown in them.

{ Figure out why she’s crying }
As we already established, once you figure out why she’s crying you can figure out the best plan of action.

{ Don’t panic }
You ARE the best person to handle this, so mentally prepare yourself and dive in. Make contact with her. Sit her down, hold her hand, put your arms around her or even lay down with her. Having her close will help you not have to watch her cry and will also help comfort her.

{ Listen }
LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN. LISTEN. REALLY LISTEN. Should I say it again because I don’t think men really understand the importance of LISTENING. Women need you to listen to what they’re saying. Especially when they’re crying. You can make things so much worse by not hearing her out. Usually when she’s frustrated with a situation anyway, all she wants is someone to listen while she vents.

{ Don’t talk too much }
Let’s face it, you’re already in an awkward situation and opening your mouth is probably going to make things worse. Basic instinct when it comes to tears will probably have you either raising your voice at her, telling her how to fix the situation or telling her to stop in an exasperated tone. Think of it like this. By being nice and understanding you will prevent the situation from getting worse. Right now you only have a crying woman to deal with. If you talk to her the wrong way during this time you will most likely have a crying and now angry woman on your hands, and that is much harder and takes longer to deal with.

TALK:

• When you’re asking her what’s wrong
• When you’re offering her supportive comments (especially if the tears are happy tears)
• When you’re asking how you can help at the end (see below).

DON’T TALK:

• If you are going to tell her a way to fix the situation. (Wait to offer advice until a later time when the tears are gone and she’s not so emotional)
• If you are going to get angry with her.
• If you are going to talk in an exasperated tone.
• If you are going to raise your voice at her.

{ Don’t walk away }
Get closer to her. The minute the tears start, walk TO her. It may be tempting to run since this definitely isn’t your forte. But running is the worst thing you can possibly do. This goes along with the “don’t panic” part. If you get frustrated yourself during the course of her tears, just stay strong and weather it out. Walking away will make it worse because she might start to think you don’t care and when a woman starts to think you don’t care, it could make the situation worse and make it last longer than just a few tears.

If however, you offer support and comfort and she is still upset consider that she may need a few moments alone to pull herself together. The fact that you have shown the maturity to sit with her pain, attempted to support and comfort her both physically and verbally, and are concerned about her emotional well being tells her you are in tune with her. Don’t worry at this point if she needs a bit of space.

{ Ask how you can help }
Now, I know I said don’t talk too much, but this is after the tears have begun to subside, you’ve listened and comforted her and made her feel heard and that you care about her and the situation. After she seems to have calmed down, hug her and ask her if there is any way you can help or let her know that you are there to help her with anything.

thank you!
Thank you so much for your reader question! We appreciate all our readers and would love to hear from you. Comments are welcome too!

What do you do when your SO cries?

xoxo
lauren & shelly

photo by lauren.